“Have you heard of the Magnetic Fields? They just put out an amazing CD, 69 love songs,” he spoke in English. His apartment opened into a larger room off a cramped kitchen entrance.  He looked over my cousins halo of blond, spirally, curls and caught my eyes for a moment.

“No,” Sonja cooed, her lips twisting into a bee sting pout. She prided herself on knowing the latest indie music that Copenhagen had to offer and Jon was obviously mesmerizing to her.  I tossed the leather jacket behind the couch, that stupid jacket that had somehow brought me into this awkward threesome.

Sonja quickly broke into a string of Danish sentences purposely speaking fast, and turning her back towards me to occupy the space between Jon and I. She had done this earlier at the bar where Jon and I had arranged to meet in order to exchange the jacket.  She had cornered him at the crowded bar, talking fast Danish, her body wedged between us. Jon had politely exchanged words until Sonja looked at her watch. “Oh no, we’ve missed our train,” she suddenly broke into English.

My face burned in humiliation. It felt too planned. Like she had carefully orchestrated for this happen. “Well, let’s run, maybe we can still catch it!” I said hopefully.

“There’s no way. It is too far from here. The train will be gone before we get there and than we’ll have no place to go.” She said this feigning distress and glanced in Jon’s direction.

He smiled at me reassuringly, “It’s okay. My place is close by, you can stay there.”

Two nights prior, I lay in Sonja’s itchy black sweater, on a strangers floor, Jon’s arms wrapped around my body caressing me.  ”Can you take this off?” He bluntly asked.

“Oh sorry,” I laughed. Through my many layers of clothing I couldn’t feel my sweaters terrible scratch and against his bare chest it must have felt like steel wool.

My friend, Sede, had already passed out on the couch above us and I could hear her faint snore.  In the next room we heard a couple giggling and than their faces appeared in the doorway.  A girl with blunt cut, dark bangs, and bare legs hung on the arm of Jon and Sede’s friend. They exchanged some words with Jon that I couldn’t translate. Smiling, they shut the door that separated the two rooms of the tiny apartment.

Immediately, Jon turned his gaze towards me. His blue eyes looked sincere and I liked his skinny build and auburn hair.  ”You’re pretty,” he said as he tucked my messy teased hair behind my ear.  Then we exchanged innocent kisses until I feel asleep in his arms.

In the morning, I woke as the first signs of light eased heavenward and up through the bottom of the corner window.  The apartment was completely silent.  Sede was still asleep on the couch and Jon’s back was now facing me.  Quickly, I reached for my cousins itchy wool sweater that I’d tossed aside a few hours earlier and slid it over my head.  As quietly as I could, I slowly eased my body from the floor and scooped up my black purse from off the coffee table.

Opening the front door I turned back for one last stealing look at Jon. His chest rhythmically moved signaling a deep sleep and his hair was tussled.  ’So cute.’  My chest heaved that empty feeling when you know you’re letting something special slip away. Than before anyone could wake, I slid past the door and out into the stairwell.

Four flights later I was outside in the streets of Norrebro, and the quiet feeling of a city still asleep soothed me.  It was chilly and beautiful as the colors of sunrise traced the buildings shinning pastel pinks and blues into the clouds above.  I jumped off the sidewalk onto the empty street so that market vendors with the overflowing carts could pass. They were heading down to the square I’d just left.  Pensively I made my way east towards the Norreport station. 

 Soon all of this would be gone. Soon I wouldn’t be able to walk down this street again. With every step I took, this knowledge pounded at my heart. The decision to go home was one I had made in a moment of weakness. The loneliness for my friends, my parents, my siblings, my position in my social circle, had called to me while I was down.

Today, I realized what a fatal choice I’d made.  Suddenly the love I felt for Copenhagen poured out of every cobblestone, every strangers face. The cold air, the city bus sound, the bakers opening their shops, it all spoke to me. Copenhagen had so much to offer . Here was the city of my grandparent’s, and great-parents ad infinitum. This place fostered creativity, nurtured it’s own towards success. This was the happiest place on earth according to a world survey. Why was I leaving?!!  And last night? How did that happen? My thoughts raced. Was this the universe offering me a hand to pull me back, a reason to stay?

I retraced the previous evening.  I had been dancing at A bar with Adam and a group of his immature friends. Had I called Sede? How did I get from one end of town to the other by myself?  I remember walking into Stenkel alone, and the mass of strangers faces all staring as I maneuvered my way through the crowd, first upstairs, than downstairs, until I found her.  I’d never been to this bar and the crowd seemed older than the one I’d just left. Adam was so angry with me for leaving him but he’d wanted to go home I had reasoned, and something was calling me to stay out tonight.

Being the foreigner it was always awkward to join a new group, people always politely shifted into English for my benefit and I always felt the frustration of my own language barrier.  I wanted to belong to this country.

“Hi,” I smiled around the group than quickly excused myself to go over to the bar.  And then Jon. His curiosity in me was sweet and I quickly found myself settling into a comfortable, protected feeling in his presence.

Now, it was time for me to go home.  The walls were closing in on me as I distractedly placed items into my suitcase.  I couldn’t remember a single reason why I had wanted to leave and… where was my black leather jacket?

-JLNFP